Root & Branch

Goldilocks and The Four Bears

  Once upon a time there were four bears; a daddy bear, a mammy bear, a daddy bear and a mammy bear. Now each daddy bear-mammy bear pair had two baby bears, making eight bears in all and the bearginning of this bear tale a fib, unless combearnations of four bears from eight bears are counted, in which case there could have been any one of seventy possibearle lots of four bears upon a time. Also a fib is Goldilocks. She has nothing whatsoebear to do with this, but the rest is true, as long as the original four bears are restored upon a time.
  It so occurred that daddy bear and mammy bear, bearfore they were daddy bear and mammy bear, came to dwell in Bearnard Castle and there they made their baby bears. In a little while daddy bear and mammy bear came also to Bearnard Castle, bringing with them baby bears, which they had already made bearlier. Inevitabearly some of the incoming bears eventuabearly met some of the incumbearent bears. Daddy bear met daddy bear at Glaxo Labearatories and daddy bear and daddy bear liked each obear, but not in the way you’re thinking. They were just caring, sharing bears. Likewise mammy bear and mammy bear were caring and sharing when they also came to like each obear, not in the way you’re thinking, and that was bearcause all the baby bears went to the same primebeary school.
  Of course daddy bear, who knew mammy bear well, didn’t know mammy bear beary well at all, and likewise vice-versa. So too with daddy bear, mammy bear and mammy bear, and vice-versa. But all the bears got along reasonabearly well, especially daddy bear and daddy bear, as well as mammy bear and mammy bear, and so it bearmained thus for a goodly few years.
  Then, right out of the bearlue, daddy bear took mammy bear and their baby bears away to dwell in a far away land of cheese and cats, and this was unbearable at first, to mammy bear especiabearly. But, incredibearly, this was not the end of this bear tale; more like the bearginning, in fact. Bearcause the four bears and their baby bears kept in touch obear the next few years, which, bearing in mind the huge distance, was bearly bearlievable. Daddy bear and mammy bear and daddy bear and mammy bear would take their respective baby bears to visit daddy bear and mammy bear, or daddy bear and mammy bear and their respective baby bears, in both directions, but not at the same time. Sometimes all the bears would be in Bearnard Castle, sometimes in the land of cheese and cats. But now there was a subeartle difference.
  Bearcause, not only did all the baby bears get to know each obear beary well, but daddy bear, who knew mammy bear well, but not mammy bear, now beargan to get to know mammy bear weller and vice-versa. Likewise with daddy bear, who knew mammy bear well, but not mammy bear. He got to know mammy bear more well and vice-versa.
  And so it bearmained thus once again for another goodly few years, until one day daddy bear, or daddy bear, or it might have been mammy bear, or mammy bear, suggested that all the bears should go off to the far away land of dragons, there to have a holiday, all the bears togebear in the same house. And this is what they did for a goodly seven days, all bears having a jolly good time, especiabearly daddy bear and mammy bear and daddy bear and mammy bear. For, at the end of their bear holiday, daddy bear, who knew mammy bear well, but knew mammy bear less well, though weller than he used to, now knew mammy bear much weller, and vice-versa, not to mention daddy bear, who likewise knew mammy bear well and more well than he knew mammy bear, even though he had beargun to know mammy bear weller, now knew mammy bear even more weller, and vice-versa. So much so that, by the end of the bear holiday, daddy bear didn’t want to bear to leave mammy bear, nor vice-versa, and likewise with daddy bear and mammy bear, also vice-versa.
  There followed a goodly two years of visiting in both directions, but not at the same time, and more all bears togebear holidays in Derbearshire and Northumbearland, by the end of which time daddy bear knew mammy bear as well as he knew mammy bear, and vice-versa, and definitebearly in the way you’re thinking, not to mention daddy bear, who knew mammy bear as well as he knew mammy bear, also vice-versa, and also definitebearly in the way you’re thinking. All four bears had been here, bare and every bear, and this could now be bearscribed as “bearess-swapping”, bearcause that’s what it was, although some bears don’t like that bearxpression.
  On the obear hand some bears do like that bearxpression, which was the bearginning of a rift, not obearvious at the time, but, to put it anobear way, daddy bear took daddy bear’s place, and vice-versa, mammy bear took mammy bear’s place, and vice-versa, and whebear this should be “and”, or “or” can be debearted, bearcause it could be beargued that, if it had been “and”, they’d have ended up back where they beargan. But they didn’t and the baby bears now each had a daddy bear and a daddy bear and a mammy bear and a mammy bear.
  And this was how it was to be, and to make it so and bearmanent daddy bear and mammy bear took their baby bears whence they were in Bearnard Castle to dwell also in the land of cheese and cats. Daddy bear and mammy bear with their baby bears already in the land of cheese and cats, came unto the new place in the land of cheese and cats, and so they all dwelt there in two beary close houses; four bears in one, four bears in the obear. In one house was daddy bear and different mammy bear with her two baby bears; in the obear house was daddy bear and different mammy bear with her two baby bears.
  And it was meant and was said to be bearmanent, always to bear with one anobear and always bear-shaped. Yet, bearspite two more all bears togebear holidays in the land of dragons, from the first all bears togebear day in the land of cheese and cats, things beargan to go pear-shaped; bear pear-shaped in fact. So much so, that in a badly few years, when Cumbearia bearckoned and the time came to bear away again togebear, as bear the beargain and as witnessed, only daddy bear and mammy bear were prebeared to come to dwell in Cumbearland with two baby bears, bearcause daddy bear and mammy bear bearfused to bear with them, and so kept two obear baby bears with them in the land of cheese and cats.
  And so it bearmains to this day, although all the baby bears have now grown up and left where-ebear home was, bearxcept one, who bearmained in the land of cheese and cats bearwhile, then moved to the land of grizzerly bears.
  Now, you might bearlieve that this state of bearfairs leaves two bear families; one of four bears and the other of four bears. But the propbear way of bearforming the division, for division it is, is to say that there are two bear families, one of six bears, the other of six bears; in obear beardds, each daddy bear-mammy bear pair has four baby bears. That doesn’t make twelve bears in all, as might abbear, bearcause the same four baby bears abbear in each bear family, and at the same time, although that bearpends to some bearxtent on all the baby bears beargreeing, which they don’t.
  It sounds like a right bearloody mess, and it is. Not bearxactly a pic-nic, though being in the woods has left its mark. But, always remembear, there might be a silbear lining. The baby bears bear no bearsponsibility for any of this, but, bearcause they obearlap in both bear families, the division can nebear be complete; not to mention the baby bears of the baby bears.
  And anobear thing, a remarkabearl thing: there was yet anobear bear, bearcause there was yet anobear bearth. Daddy bear and mammy bear, when they had bearrived in Cumbearland, made anobear baby bear. That might make nine bears, but doesn’t. It just means one of the bear families has seven bears.