Singular

  Janaawar (Nepali), eläin (Finnish), hayvan (Turkish), Tier (German), dier (Dutch), dyr (Danish), dyr (Norwegian), zvire (Czech), xxxxxxxx (Russian),
  (Greek), anifail (Welsh), animale (Italian), animal (Latin), animal (Spanish), animal (French), animal (Portuguese), animal (English), fimfip (Martian)...but...wamial (Early Katherine, circa 1970 - 1973). *

 Love Letters **

  If you love letters you'll realise that animal is, not only an anagram, but the reverse of, lamina, meaning layer, as in animals that produce eggs, (which is pretty much all of 'em ...one way, or another...well, the females at least). But that isn't what D&G mean. Post Mathry, (p.M.) and ante Northwich, (a.N.) LoL's, (Letters of Love), whizzed, (which is wizzed, unless you insist on sounding the h before the w), back & 4th twixt Cheshire, (as in Altrincham), and Barnard Castle in, (as in as in), Co. Durham. G tried to impress D with eight, (the first number) self-drawn wamial notelet motifs shown here, (and there).

  The other six pics are clickable, (left and right). You can do 'em right and left, if you like, though, but to get to the * (above)...

* D&G took liberties transposing Martian to Latin script.

G guessed the Greek, which, (if anything), is "beast". ** LoLoL's in fact = Lots of Letters of Love. Eight is the first number...alphabetically! Mammals produce eggs but don't lay 'em.

Crocodile Lion Monkey

Polar Bear Rhinoceros Walrus

The Great Green Rhinoceros

B

A

  When D&G moved in together, (Northwich '78), they
  didn't head straight for the bedroom; they had stuff,
  (furniture), to sort out, said stuff having been moved
  via M6 from Barnard Castle with the enthusiastic
  assistanced of Steve, who rather than allowing
  G&Judy to end their Barney days with dignity, insisted
  on collecting said J. Insisted on driving hired van too;
he certainly knows how to take control, or maybe he wants to be a lorry driver when he grows up. Back to the bedroom! Stuff sorting almost complete, D&G, arranging personal bed-side remaining stuff ex personal cardboard boxes, were about to be amazed. "Bet you haven't got one of these," boasted G, producing A with a flourish. "Bet I have," deboasted D, as B emerged even greener! To date the finest mathematical brains have been unable to compute the probability of two rhinoceri of unlikely hue metting like this... ...but it does prove that D&G were meant to be! Aaaaaah!

MOGGY

  L to R...Jacko.......................Merlyn...........................Dylan......Lucy

The story of B is less interesting....came
out of a cereal packet! Keith and Gene
wrote to one another when away on summer
holidays, between 1957/8 and 1960. The
Mark and Seal, (complete with tic-bod),
  shown here are from
  one of Keith's last,
  27th July 1960 to
  Gene in Burntisland.

  MOGGY One thing this fractured family agrees on...Moggy's top wamial spot. Chronological moggies, (above), all in colour except Jacko, G's Burntisland childhood feline first, who was monochrome anyway. So was Merl (The Pearl), who appeared on 30-8-70, (G's mam's 50th birthday), ignored the G-built chimneyed mog-pad, changed "i" to "y" with her gender and won prizes at Barney meet, before unlocating to Northwich. D&Steve's (Altrincham circa '73) Dylan versus train (apparently) ended 0-1, while Martin's Lucy, (Croft Farm 25-12-88 to 12-2-01), inspired a Martin song, (left of "OLLIE").

 Below...C-lickable pussies!

  Northwich based monochrome moggy, Rockwell, was Judy&Steve's, but two things G&Sons agree on are peaks and ponchos, (as in dollars in fists). Philip's first mog, Coolin, (dark half of monochrome), followed by Colonel Mortimer, Indio and Tuco, prove the point. 2-mog Simon's Frank and Dot, along with Katherine's Sushi, mean, after Allegra, D&G's temp Sardinian adoptee, that just leaves...Ollie!

  OLLIE     (Last pic in Cat-a-log above.)
  G's Cockermouth School Chem Dept's Universally famousest moggy neighbour, Ollie, taught more lessons, sponsored more experiments and inspired more homework, (all in P), than any wamial in creation, (where P=Physics). And in 2000 Mr Tomlinson took his metaphorical, phemale, pheline phormulator of Laws of said P to a distant part of the Cosmos, (Brighton), there to get bedubbed P Teacher of the Year! (Good'n Lad!)

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES...Wamial, Vegetable and Mineral

  D&G's 2 lists, (Tea Towel/Wedding Etiquette Book) feature inconsistency, discord, alternative and repetition, so hardly definitive then. True (ish) both trend time served with poshness, (is emerald really posher than gold?) so how about a negative scale for divorce anniversaries! Better praps a human body bits based positive scale, starting, say, toenail and working up to heart and brain, but enough of being silly! Get serious with the lists below. W V M (Wamial, Vegetable and Mineral) identify which anniversaries WSF's (Wamial Sensitive Folk) might avoid.

Read L & B low B 4 U click R.....OK?

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WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES

  Tea Towel Wedding Etiquette Book
  1 Paper (V) 1 Cotton (V)
  2 Cotton (V) 2 Paper (V)
  3 Leather (W) 3 Leather (W)
  4 Fruit (V) 4 Silk (W)
  5 Wood (V) 5 Wood (V)
  6 Iron (M) 6 Iron (M)
  7 Copper (M) 7 Wool (W)
  8 Pottery (M) 8 Bronze (M)
  9 Willow (V) 9 Pottery (M)
 10 Tin (M) 10 Tin (M)
 11 Steel M)
 12 Silk (W) 12 Linen (V)
 13 Lace (W, V, or M)
 14 Ivory (W)
 15 Crystal (M) 15 Crystal (M)
 20 China (M) 20 China (M)
 25 Silver (M) 25 Silver (M)
 30 Pearl (W) 30 Pearl (W),
  or 30 Ivory (W)
 35 Coral (W) 35 Coral (W)
 40 Ruby (M) 40 Ruby (M)
 45 Sapphire (M) 45 Sapphire (M)
 50 Gold (M) 50 Gold (M)
 55 Emerald (M) 55 Emerald (M)
 60 Diamond (M) 60 Diamond (M)
 
 75 ---------------- 75 Diamond (M)

BALLS ANNIVERSARIES 3rd May 2010, D&G's 30th; unforgettable! Early boat to Formentera, island of 300+ sun days a year, (it was a Monday). Spits began with first step ashore, then spots matured to spills, continuing on & off sub darkly grey skies as they cycled out to La Mola, then back again into the teeth of a rain-laden gale. Soaked and cold meant more-water remedy - hot bath!
  They'd settled for Pearl, (balls), having already taken Ivory, (see lists), at 14. Rather hard to snap an incisor off an elephant, (praps a bit unfair too), so they gave each other a herd. A year later's 3rd May, ('95), they must have had Crystal Balls...with G's mam and Martin they won the Plumbland Brainiest Family Contest.

Blue n' pink mean sex, as in gender, as in 2's enough, ta
lotly! Imagine arranging a wedding involving 3! D&G's

herd of 9 trunkers, R, can B taken to tusk by clickin' 'em.

CAT FLAP & CAT LACK

  Cat and flap compatible...yep! But what does cat flap get up to when there's lack of cat? Rude things with hose pipe, learnt D&G, when such a mating occurred at door of J&S in '05 and gathered family, (from preferred side of The Crack*) reckoned D&G arranged the date! (As if they would!) No fluid transfer, (takes some doin'), but J&S induced family panic said otherwise, as if kittie-flap litter embarrassment possibility spelt "catastrophe!" "Cat-hose-trophy" more like, thunk G as he wove the catless flap episode into the song pair that concludes Molecular Dog's CD "Rockhenge". * Crack? See Step Three for explanation.

WAMIAL WONGS

  Fratricide, infanticide, cannibalism, rape, robbery, theft and good, honest violence pervade the Wamial World, and that's before they tuck in to some other species! Wong? No! It's their wight, (as in right), to behave that way.... in the Wamial World.....where their rights belong. Bestowing rights elsewhere and elsehow implies values they don't desire, morals they can't understand and permission they don't need. Liberty and licence, limited naturally, and theirs already, wamials deserve of humans, not insult for what they aren't, but respect for what they are, and enjoying that bacon butty really does count!

DOGGIE Multi Moo, likewise Coo and also Bleat and Tweet disturb not the restful air. But the globally distributed solitary Barker suffices re regret re veracity re inferiority of (same) Biter. Decapitation courtesy of said mutt would at least include ears! Yet dogophiles exist, so, err not! Dogs ain't substitute childs. They're substitute cats! D's kidhood had Whisky and Brandy, G's gran had Ben, Judy, (lost 0-1 v car) and Rover, who transferred for no fee to G's mam and got snapped with Philip, claimant to the Solar System's leading misdogynist! Plumbland's Pearl allowed Martin to sit on her, even though

unrelated, while Jack joined owner DiaNNe as G's running partner, before vanishing one December day. Two uninvited canine walking partner guests feature too. Making 2 appearances environs of Barnard Castle, (26-11-67 & 7-1-68), on first of which Dog-With-No-Name nearly got run over twice and chased a flock of sheep during a Foot & Mouth outbreak! D&G picked up (and named) Bono en-route to Sardinia's Punta Argentiera, (10-10-06). G has never knowingly owned a dog, but is destined to be replaced by one if, by whatever means, he vacates Croft Farm, or any successor, before D does. Should D obtain a dog by some other method, it will not be a G replacement.

Doggie Dozen above are clickable. Diff twixt cat & dog? The bite. Cat bites you... your fault. Dog bites you...dog's fault.

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Missed Her

You got your woman it was sink or swim
Was she floating to you was she scuttling him
Mr Grey your net was on the water
  A girl so buoyant and a boy submerged
  Was the flotsam yours or was the jetsam hers
  Mr Grey you're wet and yet you caught her
Grey's dark white when you're lacking light
Why turn left when you shoulda turned right
White lie black tie
Eveyday the truth dies
Fore hind lose find
Changing face who's changing mind
  Grey's pale black still it's light you lack
  Why go on when you shoulda turned back
  Up down lost found
  No one but the truth drowned
  Smile frown turn round
  Change your colours grey to brown
But water's thin and may be fit to drink
Only blood is thick enough to make you think
Mr Brown you'll get to meet my daughter

Nine Eleven

The sky is blue sunshine comes through
But I feel something wrong in the air
And where are you what will you do
What will be if you're going to be there
Once you were here once we were near
Won't you please make this pain disappear
  Was it Tuesday was it Wednesday
  Was it who day was it when day
  Was it why or where or what or which or how
  An alarm sounds but I am about
  To calm down and to clam up
  And remember it as if it is right now
The day before as rainfalls pour
Just like something is wrong with the sky
It poured some more some more in store
Soaks my eye but I wish I could cry
Down comes the rain then rain again
But the pain drowns me more than the rain
  Did we mind our P's and Q's
  Did we find or did we lose and
  Is to harm the same as failing to protect
  If we're queuing up for pees if
  Were just doing as we please
  When the day comes to forgive let's not forget
The sky stays clear as folk appear
There's a crowd but no sign of a cloud
Eyes there and here ears fear to hear
But the silence is frighteningly loud
The day's still fine the sun will shine
Maybe somewhere you've saved us in time
  There's a cat flap and a hosepipe
  There's a flat cap and a nose wipe
  With a pair of shades to hide away the eyes
  'Cos it's the west tetrahedral
  Here at Chester Cathedral
  With discussion on disgown and on disguise
But there must have been a reason
Maybe just the silly season
Was it you or I or we who lost the way
Did we win or did we lose
Are coins to spin or can we choose
And shall you and I remember well this day
Did we win or did we lose
Are coins to spin or can we choose
And will you and I remember well this day

9-11..No, No, No! Nothing to do with September!
9th November, more like; and in 2005 a Chester event featuring family fissure....And the Mister who Missed Her, while Mister other in Misty Grey to Mystify, turned truly translated
Brown for daughter he knows not
he'll never have. Final track(s) of

Click
(above)
Scroll
(right)

Click
it!

Fib Replacement and other Plumaged Pals How to retain, as a feature, 10 Fibs on Home Page (Welcome), while replacing with new non-Fibs?
1. Ignore all new non-Fib visitors to Croft Farm.
2. Enlarge the table on Welcome, (difficult).
3. Retain said table & Fibs and record Fib Replacement elsewhere.
D&G opt for 3. Either one, or both Willow Warbler/Chiffchaff has/have appeared, but so far refused to alight, (one of each would be good), next ear, therein to sing and thusly get identified. Gulls by the gallon remain mostly specifically anonymous. Fib Replacements to date therefore are:-

36. Fieldfare 6-1-10 (Albatross
Replacement)
37. Redpoll 22-5-10 (Penguin
  Replacement)
38. Treecreeper 26-6-10 (Emu
  Replacement)
39. Stock Dove 11-7-10 (Condor
  Replacement)
40. Lesser Black-backed Gull 7-8-10 (Pelican
  Replacement)
41. Raven 22-8-10 (Puffin
  Replacement)
42. Chiffchaff 24-8-10 (Ostrich
  Replacement)
43. Common Gull 7-12-10 (Humming-
  bird Replace-
  ment)
44. Brambling 18-12-10 (Kiwi
Replacement)
45. Curlew 16-3-14 (Flamingo Replace-
  ment)
46. C'mon! Don't be shy!
47. Loadsa free grub!
48. Web fame!
49. Meet new birds!
  The severe winter of '09 - '10 brought birds by the dozen to Croft Farm, including a "stray" fieldfare. A pied wagtail was also a regular visitor, revealing an intolerance of chaffinches! 11th July 2010 the sparrowhawk caught a blue tit and ate it on D&G's patio table, just a few feet from their window. He, (the hawk), returned half an hour later. Perhaps he thinks D&G's table is his "plucking post", but his re-visit heralded a new species to Croft Farm. A stock dove landed a yard, or two away from Mr. Hawk and didn't bat an eyelid!

closer look and identifiy (by numbers) who-dunnit! Choose from, (alphabetically)...Cat, Cow, Dog, Duck, Horse, Goat, Gull, Pig, Rabbit, Sheep. Each is the culprit once.

   Friends of the Feathered Kind (above)
  are Table  Birds...No! not as in nosh-
  -able, as in get free nosh at D&G's bird
  table! Also in table of visitors on Home
  Page, (Welcome). Welcomed Wingers
also include the clickable non-table selecton right. All same species, (not diff!) these just a few...Croft Farm & elsewhere.

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I Had A Terrapin Once

 G said this to said Wavs one said Biol lesson at said Malet Lambert, (see up there) and, as the funniest thing ever

said anywhere in the entire Cosmic Comic Cuniverse, (said Wavs said), "I Had a Terrapin Once" got said muchly and repeatedly lotsly and so passed legendly into said daftness. But t'was true too, as proved by pic of '54. 11 yonklet old G used box camera of dad of G. No prob, G thunk. Terrapin moveth not! Study said pic. G was right... well, correct re neighbour's shed, garden fence and, (bit of history here)...glimpsette of brick air-raid shelter, all in focus. So, is terrapin blur a World Chelonian Speed Record witness, or is there some other explanation? Tortoise owning sister of D had no terrapin, but said tortoises have oft produced babules, which are clickable in their pics, as is Martin's Bulgarian python experience. Temporarily possessed Formentera lizards and Nigel, the newt that came for a while to Croft Farm, complete the reptile gallery. It's OK! Nigel confessed he isn't a reptile, but requested inclusion therewith! Frogs are common at Croft Farm, but not one has made a request of any kind, so they've been left out! Serves 'em right!

  Left  Reptile Gallery
    Amphib Nigel and non-featured frogs came "free" to Croft Farm. All the reptiles didn't, wherever they came, 'cept beach lizards, 8th click tameness on G's barely hand, extending to there barely G (!!!!) checkable outable on

  Van Pets (and other invertebrates).
 Funny language, English...carpets 1 word,
van pets 2. D&G's camper, Croft Van, has amazing spiders, in & out. Webs in wing mirrors & wheel arches surviving mad miles!
Wheely Wasps? Click to discover
Arachnophage? Steve's '78 Ju-impressing trick....eat spiders live! G just drew wamials.

7 clickie-pics but butterfly clicks to..click 2 C

If you think that sounds fishy click here

  HORSE
  Horse...The Word. Brilliant, can be used to mean anything. G referred ever to Lucy (mog) as "The Horse" and answered all questions of ilk "What do you want for dinner?" "What would you like for Christmas?" likewise minus article. In due course Martin gave his dad a plastic one, another resurfacing when G's Geoff brother rummaged in loft of Mam after she died...part of G's kiddiehood toy circus, but parted from its clown rider, while other clowns survived.
  Horse...The Wamial. D desires equestrian experience, but beyond observing her fancied, but unbacked selection romp first past post 6 out of 7 times at Carlisle, has very little. Katherine and Holly have dabbled. G regards real horses with suspicion, only twice having been required to sit on a motionless one, just minutes apart. Elbrus Trek Party (16-8-96) meets remote Caucasus mounted shepherds, who insist whole party sits on Horse 1, (No! Not all together!) G alone invited onto Horse 2, 'cos, (alleged the translation), G is dead ringer of brother shepherdov (sorry...of shepherd) G's only other horse experience dates from age 3, bouncing on Grandad Rob's knee to Grandad's song, still remembered.

Fancy some horse-play? Ten clickable clippy-clops below. Go for it!