Wigglywags
Eh?
Diane's dad never had a car, hence D's motor mind. Gene, unlike his dad and brothers three, is remotely motor interested not, except for getting from Q to W. (A to B is just one of 650 possible journeys...(nPr, where n=26 and r=2 gives 650 permutations)... but you can make a whole load more journeys if you turf the alphabet out of the window.
Automobile, unimaginative and synonymous(ish) with motor car, spells yawn for G. Engine car might've waked him, 'cos engine inspires and why's
simps ... 'cos engines have wigglywags. Wigglywags? G and titchy brother Derek's kidhood name for them big iron bars connecting them big iron wheels on a steam locomotive...was never denied by dad of, nor neither the notion that motion went wheel to wigglywag, not vice versa. How visibly easy can it be? No-nonsense smoke mixed with no-messing steam makes the loco mote, no-kidding tracks mote the loco where it aughter, and the wigglywags wiggle and wag!
OK, so all engines have wigglywags, (as G now knows), to make 'em go. Dullishly dull, tho' if y' can't see 'em. Fleming's Left Hand Rule pretendeth you can picture magnetic wigglywags in an electric thingy, (where thingy = motor). Irresponsible, or what? Dive in to have a look and you could do yourself a lot of armature! So...dive not in! Same goes for lifting up car bonnets. Pointless! Can't see no sign of wigglywags, so car bonnets should stay as shut as a lidless tin. Removing the hinge removes temptation as well, so you safely remain where clickability counts! Where click means clack, as in clickety. Where click means anything you want it to mean, in fact, especially as in click up the pics above, 'cos you'll find yourself asking what on Earth Jackie Milburn has to do with WIGGLYWAGS! Go on! Click 'em!
Well, 's like this ... Diane is a Geordie, which not only means she'd 'ave a funny accent, if she 'ad one, Pet, but also, in common with loads of Newcastle other folk, who come from north of a big wall beginning with 'H', she believes in all sorts of furry tails, such as the one that says Wor Jackie's first goal in the '51 FA Cup Final wasn't offside, mainly due to the fact that they reckon 'offside' refers to t' other side of said wall. Well, to be fair, Wembley is on t' said other side, but if y' watch the oldie fashioned footie footage as exists, y' ave to say that Milburn 'imself seems a bit surprised on latching on to that dodgy ball. Still, bugger all y'can do about it now, 'cept if you didn't know who said Milburn was, y'do now! But what's Diane and Sis doing with the NUFC and England Legend? They're '59 Northern Ireland holidaying, that's what. D doesn't know a lot about it, except Wor Jackie was at the same hotel and signed the reverse of the top right card
for her, along with, it seems, Bobby Mitchell. Diane suspects it was all for her dad's benefit, and, given the fact that he went NE
nuts on Gene's first meeting with him, when G opened tactfully with, "Milburn was definitely offside, y' know!" .. D's prob'ly right!
But where do wigglywags come in? Ashington Colliery steam locomotive Ashington No. 5, that's where, one of
quite a few waggers of wigglies D&G are acquainted with. North Tyneside's Stephenson Railway Museum
acquired the loco in 1991. It was given the name 'Jackie Milburn'. Between '57 & '60 Jackie was playing for Belfast club Linfield, which explains a lot, don'tch fink?
Clickable
59's prime, which is a pain in the sphere when setting up a pic gallery, due to lack of f f f-ing factors. Fact is, add one and primeitude's oft buggered, (in fact 2's the only case of non-buggerment *). Applied thusly to 59 yields 60, which divides by everything-ish until you get to seven! Sorted! D&G's gallery includes WW-less trackers and even trackless cabley-car thingies, which stretch, not so much a point, as a line. Not a stretch compared with point stretchers like them as reckon Royal Scot really is RS, when actually it's just a number, switched, USA-for-the-bamboozling-of, as you do! Same applies to a lottta-locos, (where lotta=some), where Coronation & Silver Link aren't, weren't, or mightn't be 'cos they've been buggered about wi'. Wot are they on about? Well, 's like this. Lotsa locos look alike, four egg sample, the A4 Pacifics, the Royal Scot Class, The (Princess) Coronation Class. So 4464 Bittern, (A4) has, in its time, pretended to be 4492 Dominion of New Zealand and, even more cheekilmently, 2509 Silver Link. Even worserer, when 6220 Coronation went on tour Stateside, it didn't. 6229 Duchess of Hamilton went in disguise instead, involving not only a change of name and number, but of colour too! The perfidious pair swapped back later and 6229 survived as D of H, while 6220 was scrapped. There was similar deception when 6100 Royal Scot rolled into the US of A. That time 6152 The Kings Dragoon Guardsman is alleged to have been the fibber, the difference being that there was no reswap on return and 6100 seems to have remained a skulking, hulking, 4-6-0, crimson lake porkie pie! So, when D&G saw 6100 Royal Scot at Bressingham in '93, did they, if not what, does it matter and if not why?
Wigglywags Pic Gallery
Asterisk * There's an asterisk (*) in the second line of the text above the train pic gallery. It relates to primeness, as in primality, as in numbers. Thing is 2 and 3 are the only primes separated by 1, if and only if 1 itself isn't prime. (Most) mathematicians, after defining a prime as a (natural) number having no factor(s) other than itself and unity, condemn the first candidate passing the test! Dodgy, or what? OK, so it buggers a theorem about uniquely producing a number in terms of its prime factors, but maybe it's an initially buggered theorem! Euler reckoned that 1 fails 'cos the sum of the divisors, (factors), of a prime must be 1 more than the prime. A restatement of the definition of a prime if ever you heard one. But who said the factors had to be different? 1 divides by itself (1) and unity (1). 1+1=2. All sounds suspiciously like a conspiricy plot to gang up on lonely unity. To shove the blame for misunderstanding the Universe onto a single titchy digit! And worra'bout Nelson? Eh? 111? Turns out 111's the magic constant for the smallest magic square composed only of primes, (The Penguin Dictionary of Curious and Interesting Numbers,
David Wells, p118). Only works if 1 is prime! Talkabout wanting it both ways! Truth is 1's
unique. Maybe 1's uniquely prime! Whatever. Good excuse to play a Molecular Dog song about primes ... follows A Pillowcase Now
Tip. Video panels are great, but they tend to get in the way of clicked up pics. You can drag clicked pics clear (of interference) by their borders, but it's a whole lot easier if you scroll the video panel off-screen before you start clicking. Try it both ways with this page. That's just a suggestion, not an order!
Just to be awkward....
D&G are gonna put the blurbness
relevant to the puff puff wigglywags pic gallery, (up), right next to the video panel you're being advised to scroll off-screen, after they've described what will happen if you click this video playlist. One thing the bomb banners of the '60's forgot was that knowing it makes it un-bannable. All part of being human. So, when "they" stopped making British steam engines in 1960, (92220 Evening Star), the "how" survived, and 'twixt '94 & '08 a Peppecorn A1 Pacific, 60163 was Darlington built, as in Tornado, as in hit Cumbria 14-4-10, when D crappily video'd T transiting Aspatria via crap phone, while coincident G was in Carlisle with ilk crap phone to video T's arrival there. Hence crap quality of vids 1 & 2. Vid 3 better, 4&5 betterer, vid 6 bester ... Martin's Gene-built model railway not via crap phone.
Puff Puff Pic Gallery. 1&2 G (back L) & brothers with 50's toy wigglywags. 3&4 Derbyshire '70's. 5&6 Bala April '80.
7&8 D 's arrival at Aspatria to see Croft Farm for the first time. 9'10&11 Ravenglass & Eskdale Railway, Cumbria, known
as La'al Ratty. 12,13,14&15 North York Moors Railway. 16 Mont Blanc Tramway. 17. Austria. 18&19 Royal Scot, Bressingham. 20&21 Jackie Milburn at the Stephenson Railway Museum. 22&23 Porthmadog. 24,25&26 Burton Agnes Hall & Duchess of Sutherland at Bury. 27&28 A4 Pacific Union of South Africa at Markinch, Fife. 29 Nunney Castle at Carlisle. 30 Sir Nigel Gresley at Carlisle. 31,32&33 Flåm Railway, Norway. 34 Great Western at Devil's Bridge, Wales. 35&
36 Moors Valley Railway, New Forest. 37 Stará Lesná, Slovakia. 38,39,40&41. Sóller Railway, Mallorca. 42 Sóller Tram. 43,44,45,46&47 Settle Carlisle Line.
48 Heatherslaw Railway, Etal. 49. Bayeux, France. Steamroller 50. Philip and a steamroller possibly in the Eden Valley. Cablecars etc. 51. Mont Blanc.
52. Zugspitze 53. Isle of Wight, (Chairlift). 54. Lomnický štít, Slovakia. 55,56,57,58&59. Teide, Tenerife.
FLÅM-BOYANT = Flåm-girl ... ant
The speaker cones of the steeply climbing Flåm train tell of a Norse female, male-enchanting, spirit of the woods, hills and stuff, before instructing to alight at an unexpected halt next to a whackingly huge waterfall called Kjosfossen, where unexpectedlier music begins, and unexpectation ends with the appearance of said enchantress, close, yet far, and in a red frock. Well, when D&G were there s'ow it was, complete with long black, un-Norse hair. G was captivimated. D wasn't, proving authenticitimity. The spiritesses are called
A 4-letter word beginning with ....
Once upon a time on a well known telly, in a well known show, (as in prog), hosted by a
well known clever dick, who'd been up at a well known university beginning with C, while referring to a well known word beginning with F, and others of like ilk, (as in 4 letter-ish), said clever dick refuted the suggestion that use of expletives beginning with F and/or ilk is a sign of limited intelligence with, "No it's not!" Clever dick of the said sort probably meant that it's OK to F out loud on telly if you've been to a university of the well known posh sort, particularly one beginning with C or O, but dick of the clever sort was actually as F-ing wrong as the spelling of the word if it didn't begin with W, 'cos "it", (as in F-ing), can be a sign of limited intelligence and sometimes "it" is. Sometimes "it" isn't, though, sometimes, even, "it" is appositenessitude itself, and G can think of at least one G-known, if not well known, person for whom a perfect match with respect to a well known word beginning with C saves a massive amount of both/either vocabulary rummaging and/or ink.
Point is, though, life is rarely as black and white simple as clever dicks would have you believe, so next time you see a ghastly pic of some poor sod's buggered up inner bits, ask yourself : (1) Do fag drags mean dead cert death as per pack pic? (2) Is pack pic death imposs for the faglessly dragless? And that's before you ask, given that, (among other things), it's actually about probabilities, should we have pics of mangled wreckage and buggered bits on every automobile in the showroom?
As noted above and at the top, apart from recognising automobiles as a presence in life, Gene couldn't give a word beginning with T about 'em, even if he had one to give. As far as G is concerned CARS is a four letter word beginning with C.
CARS
For D CARS has more letters than 4. She even thinks motor racing shouldn't be banned! In spite of all the letters, tho' D has nil-ish info on her (& Steve's) cars & nil-isher pics. D had 2 Mini Travellers plus 3 Fords (Gold Capri, then Cortinas yellow, white) All G cars but 2 are pic featured left. 3892 KH is missing, but go to BUG and the Austin stars in a video, with TWA 526 & much water. C245 PAO is also absent. Doxford, by way of explanation, featuring picwise, as a Pardoe-Robinson Exchange-a-Spouse Scheme, (PRESS) holiday venue, shows D&G vehicules together
& OUP 230M, along with J Reg Escort mark the Barney to Northwich move. Tortie is a lonely Cumbrian cottage, as in cousin of D owned and YEN 242V is the only company car G had. A spectacular M42 Maxi breakdown & recovery, features as well as 1st Lada at Agincourt, with trailer jack-knifed dent on show. Of G's dad's cars DAT 640 & FPY 565 are G memorable. Bro' Geoff knew the rest, but he has passed on, so G info is sketchily sketchy. There's an 1100, 2 more Hillmans & a Triumph Spitfire, all in the gallery. Un-pictured are other Hillmans, a Sunbeam & Singer, as in Rapier & Vogue. G's bro' Derek's Spitfire is in there as well. Sadly Derek has also passed away. Judy's dad had vans and cars. 2 appear in the gallery. Philip & Katherine feature with vehicules in the Barney back garden, Martin & his are at Croft Farm. D went to Malta, (before Philip's M-residence) & she fell in love with the buses, which explains 67, 68 & 69. 70 shows the original AA badge from the days when strapping it to your (G) bumper increased vehicle weight by a fuel consumption factor of 2 & a bit, compensated for by the fact that AA Patrolmen would road-side military salute as your vehicule chugged past. Even TWA 526 got the quivering gloved hand. To date D&G have had only one black car. It turned overnight to white within 12 hours of its Croft Farm debut. Can you spot it? Also the deliberate fib? Singer Vogue is deffo picturated!
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Cars Pic Gallery
Cars Description below La-di-da Lada
Hire Cars Clic-a-Pics
Most car hire pictules have no particulerlerly significance, but afyoodoo, as in a few do! Numero uno for a begin, 4 egg sample. Uno HPK 1385 hit empty Athens 4am-ish and closely came to wipe out by only other vehicule out & about-ish, occupiedly by representatives of yer Greek capital's boozed-uppers, who smashed their wheels into a crash barrier a medium sized metre number from the Olympic thingydium, and just 1cch. from said HPK 1385, where 1cch = 1 cat's cock hair, which is a lot smaller than a cat, (as in male). Female moggies tend to be a bit littler, but this has no effect on cch size. Micra 4464 FWG survived barely 3 FV days before refusing after 8 hour waiting in Corralejo for D&G's return from El Lobos, while Polo 4762 HFV managed barely 10 mins on account of a thief induced deliberate puncture, promised refund for cost of exhorbitant tyre in respect of which took yonks aplenty to materialise. Replacements were Polo 0704 GJB & Punto 7845 HDT.
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Hire Cars Pic Gallery
Hire Cars
1. Greece Fiat Uno White HPK1385
2. Spain Opel Corsa Dark Blue
3477 BTN
3. Sicily Fiat Panda Silver Steel
CR510BP
4. Sardinia Lancia Ypsilon Pale
Brown DB398JR
5. Corsica Citroen C3 Red
365BNJ60
6. Mallorca Hyundai Getz Pale Blue
7595 FYM
7. Crete Hyundai Getz Silver
IBO 4672
8. Menorca Seat Ibiza Silver Grey
7325 GDB
9. Lanzarote Hyundai Getz Dark
Blue
5879 GGJ
10. Fuerteventura Nissan Micra
Silver
4464 FWG
11. Fuerteventura VW Polo Silver
0704 GJB
12. Gran Canaria Renault Clio Blue
6451 CPK
13. Tenerife Peugeot 207 Shark
Grey
7924 GYB
14. La Gomera Seat Leon Silver
5416 HCC
15. La Palma Opel Corsa Silver
1973 GXD
16. Ibiza VW Polo Silver
4762 HFV
17. Ibiza Fiat Punto Dark Grey
7845 HDT
18. Madeira Fiat Panda Grey
44LZ05
19. Fuerteventura Skoda Citigo
White
0035 HNY
20. Lanzarote Fiat Nuova Panda
Dark Blue
1112 HMG
21. Cyprus Kia Picanto Silver
ZKWF 429
22. Fuerteventura Citroen C3
Shark Grey with Red Roof
5210 KDM
The Lada Story ...... From Laugh Lada to Last Lada
G just laughed at D’s post Maxi depart suggestion. “Let’s get a Lada!” Cheap, reliable and Alan Bird, as in “ ‘im at Threlk’ld”, where Threlk’ld=Askew Rigg beyond Blencathra, is the UK Expert, as well as sheep etc. farmer. But G unlaughed and Riva Estates (4), Saloon (1) and Samaras (2)
spanned a decade and a half and two millennia as successful Robinson wheels, ending their reign only through increasing rarity. D&G’s last, M952 UFV, was traded in for Peugeot P556 NSF at Alan’s on 15th July 2004, the two cars sharing the role of transporting from Carlisle to Plumbland a purple Brunswick guitar, (Martin’s 21st Birthday present). Alan said two things; M952 UFV would, as others before, return to Russia and that he’d arranged a flypast to mark the passing of D&G’s Last Lada. D just laughed, G joined her but both unlaughed a minute, or so later. This f-ing hugeous Hercules just missed Alan’s chimney, then circled round for another go, actually a regular RAF flying test using Alan’s land, but impressively convincing! Gene had previously presented Alan with a model Lada, like Martin’s, (see Cars pic gallery), but bought, (St Petersburg, 23-8-97), more cheaply, (only 16500 Roubles) and D&G’s Askew Rigg connection continued happily through a second Peugeot to 2008, (Croft Van’s mid-life crisis year), when Alan reduced his motoring interests in favour of pigs.
Apparently, (See LADA LINK ), Clarkson J was wrong, (no bad thing), re motoring to the North, (Magnetic, in his case), Pole. Ladas were first to reach the North Pole, (’98 parachute assist, ’99 and 2000 without modification), are one of a handful of motor vehicle types to visit all 5 continents, and held the motor vehicle altitude record of 5726 metres, (Himalayas), from 16-9-99 to 2005). There is also a claim that a Lada visited the South Pole in ’92. So laugh not! In fact laugh not Skoda-wise either, which in D&G’s Lada days were even more joke buttable. The hire car Skoda D&G had in 2014 was not only joke-free, but eminently clickable in a future Hire Cars website pic gallery. To date that's D&G's only experience of Okey Dokey Skoda. * For D&G them was the La-di-da Lada days!
* Not any more ... see D&G's WHEEL HISTORY below, (2016).
D&G's WHEEL HISTORY Mileage
Vehicle Registration Colour Cost Date acquired Date disposed of Initial Final
G
O
O
N
Ford Thames TWA 526 Green £65 1963-1964 Tuesday 19th
Van September 1967 (£4)
Austin A40 3892 KH Turquoise £175 Saturday 16th 47812
"Farina" (1959) September 1967
Austin 1100 GKH 716D Maroon £370 13th March 1971 6th April 1975 11041
(1966) (Abandoned)
Simca 1301 LHN 159K Green £580 16th May 1975 56986
Special (1972)
Ford Escort J Reg Dark Blue Shared February 1979
Estate Vehicle
Renault 16 OUP 230M White April 1979
Ford Escort YEN 242V Metallic Company 21st August 1979
1.3GL Light Blue Car
Hillman WTU 721M Blue £220 Monday 19th July 57000
Avenger 1982 approx
Hillman ORM 131R Dark Green £55 Saturday 16th March 1985 Sunday 28th February 1988 60170
Avenger (Driveable 9th April 1985) (£25)
Austin Maxi HHH 600V Blue £395 Sunday 28th February 1988 78510
1750 approx
Lada Riva C551 NBB Pale Brown Sunday 24th June 1990 Thursday 17th September 1992 61304
1500 Estate (£400)
Lada Riva E805 YGD White £625 Sunday 14th June 1992 Tuesday 4th April 1995 66870 101585
1500 Estate (£400)
Lada Riva J65 BAO Brown £2495 Tuesday 4th April 1995 Monday 30th March 1998 27218 65015
1500 Estate (Wild Mink) (Bought 1st April) (Part Exchange)
Lada Riva C245 PAO White £225 Wednesday 12th March 1997 Wednesday 1st December 1999 44242 73754
1200 Saloon
Lada Riva N599 CVT Cream £800 Monday 30th March 1998 Saturday 29th March 2003 28404 93819
1500 Estate (Plus Part Ex) (£50)
Lada Samara H957 VRN Gold £300 Wedneday 1st December 1999 Thursday 28th February 2002 47350 78957
SL-1300
5 Door Saloon
Lada Samara M952 UFV Blue £500 Thursday 28th February 2002 Thursday 15th July 2004 25569 59593
1.3S
4 Door Saloon
Ford Transit P846 VNL Blue £2675 Tuesday 13th August 2002 Tuesday 20th December 2016 130481 183829
190 2.5 (Changed to (Scrapped)
Diesel Van Peppermint Green)
Peugeot 306 P556 NSF Red £1800 Thursday 15th July 2004 Tuesday 7th August 2007 77078 125838
Meridian (Diablo (Plus Part Ex) (Accident Written Off)
Red)
Peugeot 306 T438 LAO Deep Blue Thursday 30th August 2007 Friday 26th November 2010 100120 153418
(£150)
Peugeot 206 KU06 EZZ Black £4695 Monday 22nd November 2010 Monday 9th May 2016 54097 136630
Verve (Collected 26th November 2010) (£200)
Ford Transit PO53 BXW White £5500 Saturday 8th March 2014 Wednesday 22nd March 2017 67422 80665
350 (£1100)
Campervan
Skoda PY61 HFM Metallic Blue £6750 Tuesday 3rd May 2016 Retained 43887
Roomster (Miami Blue) (Collected 9th May 2016)
Scout
Peugeot SP06 BND White £21995 Thursday 6th April 2017 Retained 20644
Compass
Avantgarde
300
Campervan
Diane's Cars (Pre-Gene)
Mini Traveller Late 1968 to Early 1969
Mini Traveller Fawn Early 1970's
Ford Capri Gold Friday 18th July 1975
(£475)
Ford Cortina Yellow £875 Thursday 17th July 1975
2000
Ford Cortina TLC ??? White
Motorcycles
Honda 90 URF 651S Red Wednesday 5th September 1984 17451.6 26508
Honda 90 MAO 774W Blue Wednesday 19th August 1987 Saturday 19th September 1992 13766.9 28293.5
(£75)
Honda 90 B428 KHH Red Friday 28th August 1992 Wednesday 5th March 1997 15115.6 25817.5
(Broke Down)
How to get to Cockermouth School as cheap as poss ... G's only interest in motor bikes! Unlike D's sis
& G's bro. Clic de pics!
Video (left) taken from Hire Car 15, which had to cope with a challenging access
to D&G's "apartment" at El Salto, La Palma. Mountain
in shot is Pico Bejenado.
This motoring video is in a playlist of 1, but more might be added. Watch this space!
Includes what D&G unexpectedly encountered on IOM holiday Aug '14. 'Twas IOM Grand Prix ... motorbikes, spectating & competing, everywhere!
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